I'm going on Fox TV's "Mike and Juliet Show" this morning to discuss Idol. Here's what I'm thinking right now:

The contestants are getting desperate.

Chris Richardson's post-performance tantrum about how he really meant to sing "nasal" was embarrassing - and his invoking the tragedy at Virginia Tech was inappropriate. Yes, the camera caught Simon rolling his eyes at Chris. Although Simon clearly was not rolling his eyes at the tragedy, this could prove to be a costly camera move. The producers obviously swept in for damage control and asked Simon to express his own sorrow later in the show. It was an awkward moment.

LaKisha's latest mention about how difficult life is raising Brionne as a single mom is pushing it. I have always been a LaKisha fan and when Martina McBride lavished praise on her, I was excited. Unfortunately, when Jesus took the wheel this time, the car careened out of control. (Worse than Eddie Griffin in that Ferrari.)

As for Sanjaya, the Willie Nelson/Isaac Mizrahi doo-rag was a disappointment. It was a stunt and a shameless pander to the VFTW/Howard Stern crowd. Last week Sanjaya made a valiant and successful attempt to sing well. He was headed toward a coup, bucking the cynics who scoffed at him. Now we're not sure who Sanjaya is: Is he the guy who really wants to be an American Idol and prove himself? Or is he the jaded jokester, willing to debase himself to stay in this competition? Is he Mario Lopez ... or is he Dustin Diamond?

I feel vindicated now that Simon has called Melinda on her "Who, me?" shy act.

I'm a huge fan of Martina McBride's and look forward to her performance tonight. I expect we'll all have shpilkes in our geneckteckessoink. (Until last night Kinky Friedman was the only country singer to use the word "verklempt.")

UPDATE: I just returned from the Fox "Mike and Juliet" Idol panel. It included Season Three's Jasmine Trias (very charming) and Food Network's Paula Deen (very "country"). Outside the studio Paula wore a floor-length fur coat. Raccoon? (Presumably she spit roasted whatever animal she killed for that thing.) Jasmine was surprisingly outspoken on the subject of ethnocentric American Idol voting. She asserts that she went as far as she did by galvanizing the Polynesian vote. I pointed out that she was the only thing residents of Guam and American Samoans (two groups which historically have hated each other) could both agree to like.

As much as I like Sanjaya, I'm willing to entertain the possibility that he's survived to this point in the competition by fraudulent means. Among the theories being floated: secret Indian call centers with Sanjanistas feverishly dialing ... when they should be dealing with American credit card complaints.

Watch my investigation below.

I am bereft. I am in Columbia, SC's airport. (Consolation: Free internet access!) But I was unable to watch Idol last night. I've had to make do with YouTube clips. Is this how the kids watch Idol?

Thank goodness Sanjaya's performance of "Cheek to Cheek" was posted. Once again Sanjaya was shrewd - brilliant! - in selecting his song. "Heaven, I'm in Heaven," the song begins. We don't know if Sanjaya is a practicing Hindu. But it should be noted that heaven is not a focal point in Hinduism - just a temporary state known as swarga loka - in the reincarnation cycle. (Ooh, I do love the idea of a reincarnated Sanjaya coming back to perform in American Idol season 112 - getting sneered at by Simon's wickedly mean great-granddaughter. Of course by that point the show will be broadcast from Bangalore and the dark horse contestant will be an immigrant from Alabama.) In any case, Sanjaya's homage to "Heaven" was a calculated reassurance to Christian voters that he respects their theology.

On a less spiritual plane, it's worth remembering that the magnificent and notoriously grumpy Irving Berlin (composer of "Cheek to Cheek" for the 1935 movie musical "Top Hat") called Fred Astaire, who originally sang the song, his favorite singer. Astaire was not a singer. Like Sanjaya he had a thin, quavering voice. But he felt the lyrics. He had heart. And heart is Sanjaya's selling point.

(Photos: Fox/AP)

This morning I rushed into my office minutes before an emergency conference call. (A shipment due to arrive in Ft. Wayne was re-routed through Indianapolis for no known reason.) As I swept past my secretary Peggy, I thought I heard her sigh, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Curious, I thought, but I had no time to respond. Once the call ended (one of our reps drove out to Indy for the pickup), Peggy came in to bring me my coffee.

"What did you mean by "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," Peggy?"
"What do you think?" she countered. "I think Randy Jackson muffed the whole thing up."

An intriguing theory. Peggy's point:

American Idol is a delicate balance - a formula that's worked brilliantly since its beginning. Simon is acerbic, tough and no nonsense. Paula is the wacky mom with a heart of gold. (Simon and Paula are the comic relief, too. The sparring "lovers.") But Randy's role has always been crucial. He's sometimes been characterized as neutral or simply repeating Simon's criticisms in blander terms. Wrong. He has been the all-important straight man, but he's also been the supportive friend - not unconditionally loving like Paula, but constructive. An optimist who realistically looks for the best in each performer. (It's why historically Ryan asks Randy for "advice" for faltering contestants.) For many Americans, he's the point of identification on the panel.

But this season Randy chose to reinvent himself as Simon 2.0. At no point was the new Randy more wincingly mean than after Sanjaya's performance of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." He was more than mean. He was contemptuous. He called the song "unlistenable" and laughed at Sanjaya, then sneered about his hair. Rather than defend Sanjaya, he stoked the crowd to mock him further.

(Randy should have taken a cue from Diana Ross, a legend who surmounted unparalled hurdles as an African-American. In the video intro, it was clear that Ross could sympathize with the special pressures faced by Sanjaya, AI's first Indian-American finalist.)

Peggy is convinced that the backlash that has now brought AI to the brink began at that moment. Sanjaya was defenseless before the mob.

"I half expected the crowd to yell 'We want Barabbas!'" said Peggy. "And Randy was weaker than Pontius Pilate."

Do you hear that creaking sound? I do. It's more like a low rumbling. It's the sound of an Empire collapsing.


60 years after Mohandas Gandhi's civil disobedience movement led to the end of British rule in India, the gentle Sanjaya is just as peacefully (if less than tunefully) bringing Viceroy Simon to heel.

American Idol is an institution built on an ideal: the most talented singer wins. In the end, all it has is its credibility. That's been crippled now, perhaps beyond all repair. And once the tipping point is reached (one week from now? Two?), HMS Idol will sink fast.

I've written extensively about the stunning parallels between Gandhi and Sanjaya. (Of course their hair is a contrast, though Sanjaya has at least one more week to debut a chrome dome. This I would not advise. Sanjaya's eyes are too closely set to pull off a bald look.)

[The following is an analysis of Tuesday's show. For my commentary on Wednesday's Results Show, click here.]

This was one of those episodes where everyone came out looking better. For me it started with Access Hollywood, where the troubled Ashley Ferl (last week's crying girl) was given a makeover. They hooked her up with with Lindsay Lohan's stylist and a makeup artist. By the time they finished tarting her up, she'd gone from looking like Jodie Foster in "Nell" to Jodie Foster in "Taxi Driver." (I think that's an improvement.)

I was skeptical of Gwen Stefani as coach - what with the over-the-top introductory infomercial - and the night's very nebulous theme (music that's inspired Gwen Stefani?). But I fell in LOVE with her by the end. She was warm to the contestants, clear in her advice and quite prescient. (She knew Chris would have trouble with tempo.) She's obviously very smart. She knows that maintaining a remote and icy hipster image would only leave her stalled in the 90s. Being nice is "now."

Quick takes: Haley disappointed with True Colors, though she looked luscious. Like a really hot hostess at Houston's. (Houston's by the way has an amazing Spinach and Artichoke Dip. Click here for the recipe.) Phil Stacey was only okay, though his wife seems very nice. She looks like Mary Lynn Rajskub from "24." Blake was very good. The camera held on his last exchange with Gwen, I suppose to suggest that they slept with each other afterward. That may account for Paula's rabid enthusiasm after his performance. (Don't be fooled, she's competitive.) Chris Richardson was kind of boring. In theory I like his "Friday Night Lights" grit but in reality it's just flat.

The judges may scoff at his coiffe. (At least Simon did.) But America is divided over Sanjaya's hair.






















Curly Sanjaya (left) and Paula Sanjaya (right)


CNN's Christiane Amanpour (left) and Terror suspect Jose Padilla (right)